They say that infertility struggles take the same emotional toll as losing both your job and having a family member die at the same time. I’ve never lost my job and had a family member die at the same time, but I know that for two years of my life, I cried, I picked myself up again, I fell shattered to the floor, heaved up with the help of my husband, and did things I would have never thought I was strong enough to do just to have a child. And, I did. I have a beautiful daughter who delights me and keeps me in awe every day. I promised myself that if we ever had a child, I would become a voice of hope for those who are suffering through infertility as so many incredible women did for me by voicing their own infertility struggles. This is my IVF success story.
Let’s start with the basics. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). My body produces too much testosterone which, in turn, means that I do not ovulate regularly. And by that, I mean incredibly rarely. Through two years of infertility, we never figured out when I ovulate naturally. Throughout our journey, I tried acupuncture, a chiropractor, essential oils, changing my diet, working out, teas… literally everything you can find on Pinterest. Nothing worked.
After trying to get pregnant naturally for several months (to no avail), we met with a doctor to get the official PCOS diagnosis. It started with me having to have 12 vials of blood drawn. I was absolutely terrified of needles and even more terrified of having blood drawn. Notice that those are now both now past tense. Infertility will do that to you. This was the beginning of me getting over my fears very quickly 😉
Once we had the PCOS diagnosis, we began treatment with a drug called Clomid. My mom actually used Clomid to get pregnant and it worked on her first round, so I “just knew” we were going to get pregnant right away. I responded terribly to it and it didn’t work. We did four Clomid cycles before switching to Menopur (injectible medications). At this point, the doctor highly recommended that we do IVF. I met with an IVF doctor and the price was staggering. We decided to move forward with just the Menopur injectibles and insemination and hoped for the best.
Injectibles were my greatest fear. I kept telling myself “we’re not going to get that far, that’s not part of our journey. I just know it” (Have you noticed yet that I “just knew” a lot of things?) But, there we were, at the point where I had to inject myself in my stomach twice a day. I remember the first time thinking “ok, you’ve just got to do it, be strong, commit and just jab it in” and I did it! I felt invincible!
The injectables worked to grow follicles (yay!) We still didn’t get pregnant (boo!). In the middle of a Menopur insemination cycle, they canceled immediately because I grew a ridiculous amount of follicles (around 40). Because of my reaction, they said we would not be able to do another cycle so now our only option was IVF. I was devastated, especially knowing that I had all of these follicles that we weren’t doing anything with. So, I called the IVF doctor that I previously met and said “This is crazy, but they canceled an insemination cycle because I grew 40 follicles. Would you take me on mid-cycle and we can turn this into an egg retrieval?” He said yes.
We retrieved 15 eggs and of those 15, 6 fertilized and grew enough to be frozen 4 days later. We then had to take three months off with birth control to give my body a chance to rest.
Three of the longest months of my life later, I was ready to get pregnant! My body wasn’t. We had two canceled IVF transfers because my lining would grow and then shrink right before implantation (also known as a short luteal phase). I watched the doctor get more and more frustrated. I will never forget the last canceled cycle as he checked the lining he said “shit”. He looked at me and said “Ok, I have one more thing that we can try. And if not….” Silence. There was so much doubt in his voice.
I started to think about surrogacy and couldn’t wrap my head around it. I wanted to be a mom, but I also wanted the experience of being pregnant. But, we had these eggs already there, so what would we do with them if I couldn’t get pregnant? I started to read about foster to adopt programs. Both of these things I did without ever bringing it up to my husband or anyone else. I felt like I was failing him and like my body had completely failed me.
We tried that one more thing that the doctor suggested. His suggestion was to use compounded Viagra vaginally and then support it with progesterone once the lining got to where it needed to be. It looked like it was working, so he scheduled our frozen embryo transfer.
We got there the morning of the transfer and I fully expected him to say that the lining wasn’t ready as he had done so many times in the past. But, it was ready. I took valium as suggested and we implanted two eggs. After the implantation, I waited 30 minutes with a full bladder before we left. There’s an urban legend among IVF moms that eating McDonald’s fries after the transfer helps the embryos to stick. I clearly ate those delicious fries (as well as chicken nuggets for good measure). I slept in the back of the car on the way home and for hours after getting home.
A few other things that I did post transfer:
- The day before transfer, I did Reiki
- I ate pineapple core for 5 days
- Acupuncture
- Kept my feet super warm by wearing socks all the time
- Only drank room temperature or warm beverages
- Ate a lot of avocado
- Laughed a lot
- Stayed calm (as much as possible.. it’s impossible)
- Visualized all of the people who had supported me through the process lifting me and the baby up
All of these things seem silly, but it all made me feel more in control. The biggest thing that I did was visualize exactly how she would fit into our lives. I visualized making a nice cozy room for her inside of my belly. I made her a cozy little bed and I put up pictures of us and our animals and told her how loved she would be by all of us and what her life would be like. I kept saying to myself: “I will get pregnant. I will stay pregnant. We will have a healthy baby.”
I didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms (except for being ravenously hungry) so I thought it hadn’t worked. On the 9th day after transfer, I decided to take an at home pregnancy test to just be done with it. I didn’t even look at it as I started to get ready because I was so sure it was negative.
And then I did.
And it was positive.
I cried harder looking at those two lines than at any of the negative tests before it (and that’s saying a lot). I immediately took another test to make sure and that one turned positive as well.
Throughout our journey, I had this image of how I would tell my husband. But, after everything we went through, an elaborate celebration didn’t feel right. I woke him up and asked if he wanted to have a baby. He said yes. I said “Good. Because I’m pregnant”. And, he said, “Finally.”
For any IVF moms out there, here were the medicines that I was taking on our successful cycle:
- (Because I had so many follicles, we used a Lupron trigger shot with 1/10th of the regular trigger shot so not all of the follicles would release to give me a better chance at not hyperstimulating. That worked!)
- 1 prenatal
- 1 DHA (not included in my prenatal)
- 1 Vitamin B for lining
- 2 Vitamin D3 (just my regular medicine)
- 1 baby aspirin starting CD1
- 1 estrace AM/ 1 estrace PM via mouth starting CD1 for 8 days
- 1 estrace PM vaginally starting CD1 for 8 days
- 1 compounded viagra AM, Midday and PM vaginally starting CD1 for 8 days. STOP viagra CD8 and begin 1cc progesterone in ethyl oleate oil AM and 1 cc in the evening until the end of the first trimester. Starting the progesterone early combatted the short luteal phase.
- 1/2 medrol PM via mouth starting CD1 for 8 days
- Not prescribed: drank a glass of red wine every night while building lining and replaced with Pom juice the night before transfer.
- Drank Pom juice and red raspberry leaf tea occasionally until starting progesterone
Through our infertility journey, I took 211 shots in total and every single one of those shots was unbelievably worth it. Believe in yourself. Believe in your journey. Your family is going to be created in some beautiful way and, mama, it’s going to be perfect.
